Small Things...

Small Things....

Sometimes in life, we overact and worry about things that really don't even matter...We have to learn how to only be concerned with our behavior and not worry about other people behaviors.

Sometimes we forget to focus on small things...things that matter the most. Like for me, I like to read and I just realized that I haven't read a new book in a month or so...so guess what, I am going to start back reading...it's the small thing that some people may not get but reading for me is like therapy...it takes my mind off reality and life that I live...it helps me, literally.

So my advice to all my readers is to never stop doing things that you enjoy in life...don't let life stop you from enjoying the small things...

I'm at the point of rebuilding...so sorry that I haven't wrote a blog in awhile...but when you are rebuilding it makes you put your life in perspective...You have to go back and update your life goals and figure out new ways to meet those goals and most importantly be patient with the process...

I'm rebuilding and allowing myself to let go of people that no longer give me what I need...In life, you have to let negative people go because you can't rebuild with them around...You have to do a clean up and not feel bad for your choices....Some people don't deserve to be around you and aren't any good for you...You want to be around people who inspire you and push you to do better. People who truly love you for you..not for who they want you to be...People who know you inside and out. People who look at you as a star even when you don't feel like it. So let those negative people go, block them out of your life. THEY DON'T DESERVE YOU...remember that. :)

I admit I have made so many wrong choices in life, but staying focus in grad school is one of the best decisions that I have made...I'm not allowing anyone to stop me from accomplishing this goal. People come and people go, but your goals last forever...I'm doing this for me. I want this more than anything, just to say I did it..I worked full-time, did an internship, held events, volunteered, and still graduated on the top of the list.

But you must take care of yourself first...so going back to the beginning...you have to take time to do things you enjoy in life no matter how small...reading, traveling, and writing are some of the things that I enjoy...so I must continue to fit it in my schedule...

Small things matter the most...Thanks for reading.

A New Role...

I'm someone's older sister.....

I have always been the only child, but now I am a big sister....whoop whoop, thanks to my dad lol

My entire perspective has changed...I have to set good examples and become a better person.

I love talking to my younger sister because I feel like I can tell her EVERYTHING without being judged.

I have talked to her about my current girlfriend and exes and she never once judged me...

I know that she loves me, not because she tells me but because she shows it...

I am looking forward to our sisterhood...She wants nieces and nephews and I do too, lol...

I can't wait to be called auntie....

My actions affect her....my future affects her...my life affects her...and I am conscious of it.

God makes no mistakes so I know he gave her to me for a reason....to love.

I never thought being someone's big sister would make me so happy, but it does...

From the day she entered my life, she has made me smile more and more....

We even look a like, I guess my dad's DNA is mad strong, lol.

The blog is to remind you that your decisions in life not only affects you, but it affects people in your life as well. So be careful...You wouldn't want to hurt someone that you love.

Pushes Me Harder

So let's start...I went against ALL fear and entered a new relationship!

 

Lol, my life is a movie...Hopefully, a classic.

 

I found someone who makes me better...She pushes me to be better...She pushes me harder in life.

 

I have so many goals in life and to have another person rooting for me...makes life 10 times better.

 

Hopefully, this will be my forever...but only time will tell.

 

I've learned that I tend to control everything in my life...I don't want to control everything. I want God to lead and I follow...I want to try new things and not be afraid of the consequences..I want to live life FREE...and to be FREE...Free to make mistakes, free to love, free to be me...and free to do me.

 

As a Taurus,  I always tend to worry...Just because we are so concerned with our financial well-being and being stable.

 

I have to learn how to relax and enjoy life...and now I have someone to enjoy life with.

 

We already have planned my 1st cruise to Bahamas...and if you know me then you know I have always stated that I will never get on a boat, lol.

 

I really believe that God brought her to me, simply so that I can learn how to live outside the "box"

 

I feel inspired...so expect more blogs...Lol.

 

Love

Facing Fears

Facing Fears

Since my last break up, I have been dodging relationships like hell, lol.

Dating and talking to women, but avoiding the whole relationship talk...

Trying not to fall in love with anyone...

Neglecting others when I feel that I am developing true feelings for anyone...

Having women fall in love with me, while I hold back...

All because of fear...I fear of having another failed relationship...I really want my next relationship to be my forever that leads to marriage and building a stable family.

I really believe that God brings people in your life...So since my break up, I learned many valuable lessons in life.

I have learned that fear cheats you...it causes you to miss out on the most important things in life...I learned that it is okay to love again and that love itself is a risk...

I have learned that the past is simply that, the past...I look forward to seeing what stepping out of my comfort zone looks like...

I have been blessed to meet some many great women in life...Women who have shown me what love can look like...shown me that I am worthy of love....shown me a sample of unconditional love from someone other than God, family and friends.

I hope to forever open my heart without fear and to love like no other...I want to embrace others and show them that not all people are bad people.

I want to let my fear go...so stay with me on this journey :) 

Trying not to make the same mistakes...

 

I can admit that I'm not in love with anyone...I'm in love with myself.

I'm not sure I'm quite ready to give my heart to someone...

So I'm waiting on God to lead me to the right person..

 

As a Taurus, I usually have control over my life and do what I want to do when I want to do it.

But my way, never works out...

So instead of me trying to control my love life, I am going to let God control it...

 

If I fall in love it will hopefully be the last time with the right one...

 

Trying not to make the same mistakes...

 

But I keep running into women who are just like my exes...

 

I think I usually pick out the wrong ones...

 

I have all the characteristics that would make me a good partner

 

If I say so myself, lol.

 

But women get mad at me when I'm not ready to put a ring on it...

 

I just need to be sure before I get into another relationship and it doesn't work...

 

I like long-term relationships and I hope my next one will be my life-time partner

 

I guess we will have to see what happens...

 

But for now, I'm just going to enjoy the ride...

 

I just hope I'm ready for whatever God brings my way...

 

GRAMMY

GRAMMY

After watching the Grammy 2015, I realized that I have been pretty slack lately...Worrying and focusing on the wrong things...

I still have so much to do...

I have so many goals to complete...

Getting right with God is my top priority...

Then building a stronger relationship with my family and friends

 

I have neglected these people due to focusing on women...Lord knows, I love women lol.

 

Watching the Grammy and seeing people win made me want to win as well.

 

I don't want a grammy, but I want to feel accomplished and I don't so far, so I have so much to do in order to succeed.

 

I am ready to become a champion...

 

I want my kids to see me win in life

 

I want my mother to be proud of me

 

I want to grow old knowing that I lived my life and made a difference in someone's life

 

I love the art of being a social worker, I love the art of helping others...I love motivating my peers because some of them look up to me.

 

I have been successful, from growing up in the hood, graduating from high school on time with a good GPA, earning two college degrees and making a name for myself.

 

But I'm not done yet.

 

I want to continue to push people and let them know that they environment is just that...their environment...You can do anything you want...

 

I put this on everything, in 9th grade I was on my way to getting expelled from high school for good...I only had one more mistake to make before I would get kicked out of school. I went to summer school in 9th grade not because of my grades but because of my behavior and multiple suspensions which led to an attendance issue...it was 10th grade, my english teacher Mrs. Cloud ( I still remember her today) told me that she see so much more in me and that I could do it...just her words alone caused me to change completely, I stopped fighting, skipping school, hanging with the wrong crowd, and being disobedient...I became a totally different person...So trust me, you can always change for good but you just gotta believe in YOU.

Feels peaceful....

Feels peaceful....

I guess it's been forever since I felt at peace...bad relationships that involves arguing, complaining, distrust, and just negative energy....especially in my last relationship...I lost my peace...

But now that I have moved on with someone else...She brings out the best in me...I finally feel peaceful.

I know every relationships go through arguments and blah, blah, blah but when it's limited and barely none...it's the greatest feeling in the world.

I feel at ease...

I feel nothing but positive vibes...I didn't think I would find it so fast with someone else...Because I haven't had this feeling since my last last ex, the one before my ex...So it feels good to enjoy it now.

I know that the feeling is mutual...

I can still work on me and better myself...I want to continue to grow...and learn more about me.
She is excited about her future as well...She's not just focus on me.

I have learned to keep doing things for myself...And not depend on anyone else...I found my independence...I'm not the type to look for love...And just date people to keep from being by myself. I see women doing all the time, posting gifts from loved ones when the person don't even love them or respect them. I feel bad for these women...because they don't know true love. They are so used to being with someone that they will even be with someone who treats them badly. They think gifts mean everything...but it really means NOTHING.

Respect, loyalty, honesty means EVERYTHING...if she's calling you a "bitch" then you don't mean shit to her. Period.

I still spend plenty of time by myself...I still have my own life.
I still spend time learning myself...I still have my own life.
I still spend time focusing on my goals...I still have my own life...

However, when she's in my life...I feel peaceful...She gives me that positive energy.

She's my gift from God.

All smiles...I deserve it.

All smiles...I deserve it.

 

 

Remember that crush that I had with a straight woman, well I lost interest because she did something that was very distasteful. That's one thing about Tauruses, once you turn us off...We are completely turned OFF lol...There's no way to gain our interest again.

 

However, I met someone and she is just like me...We share the same interest, the same music genres, like the same hobbies, have so much in common that it is crazy, lol.

 

I think this will be funny to see, because I have always wanted to date someone who was just like me.

 

And so far, she is.

 

I really believe that when you pray for someone, God delivers that person at his own time. He already knows our needs and wants. Sometimes we aren't ready to meet the right one, simply because we have not learned how to treat them. I have been all around the world and I haven't met the right one. Hopefully, she is but until then I am just going to enjoy the ride.

 

I had to tell my friend that we never knows who's the right one until they show up.

 

But I do believe that everyone has that soulmate..you may have missed that person by leaving thinking the grass is greener on the other side then having to realize that it's not...

 

Sometimes the grass is greener on your own side, but you didn't take the time to appreciate it...then you lose it...and then you jump from person to person trying to get that grass greener again, lol.

 

It never works...that's why I treat every girl perfect, because once it's over, they can never say I wasn't good to them...I'm a good as catch. I'm very respectable, dedicated, loyal, loving, and many more traits, lol...

 

All smiles and I deserve it.

Crushes

Sorry, I have missed pretty much the entire week but this week has been a little hectic, since school has started...I've been everywhere, literally lol.

So I'm thinking of a topic, not sure what to discuss...I'm at peace (which is always good). I am crushing on someone, a bit heavy.

So let's talk about crushes...

I haven't crushed in so long, lol...when I'm in a relationship, I usually don't feel for no one but my partner...and now that I am single, my interest has been peaked. I had someone tell me that they never thought my ex deserved me...It's funny how people tell you things once the relationship is over. She said that I was too good for my ex...It made me feel good though because I love when people see how good of a person that I am. No fronting or bashing but none of my exes can say that I cheated on them, entertained others, lied, hit or anything on them...I am a great partner, if I say so myself.

 

Well back to crushing, when I find someone attractive on the inside and outside, I am usually amazed. I tend to crush far from behind without telling them for awhile...Simply because people put on their perfect face and personality so I need time to observe just to make sure she is who she represent herself.

 

Once I am sure that she is who she say she is...I have no problem telling her exactly how I feel.

 

Sometimes, I am very direct...Like very DIRECT, lol...I speak how I feel regardless of the situation. I don't like miscommunication, so I have to be very clear on my intentions upfront.

 

I have a weakness for women who are natural, thick, looks like the Jill Scott type. I have been attractive to the complete opposites as well...but I love em thick and just sexy as hell.

 

It turns me on when a woman wears heels...It just something about it that can't be explained...I love a sexy as woman, lol.

 

I love a woman who is mature, humble, God fearing, nice to the core and a simple loving person.

 

I dislike women who are stuck up and think they are better than the next...it turns me off.

 

But when I meet a woman like that, I tend to go slow because I'm very interested in getting to know her as a person first...sometimes, I move extra slow when I know she can eventually hurt me.

 

But when I have a crush, I usually go for it...as long as she is single. I'm not into married women or women in relationships...It's not my thing.

When a woman has been broken...

When a woman has been broken....

 

I have noticed that a lot of heterosexual women are broken and bitter in regards to men and new love...Noticed I said "heterosexual" "straight" women are broken...I don't really see this too much in the lesbian community...I think I know why.

 

Let's be honest, some men simply dog these women out. Get them pregnant when they have no intentions on becoming their husbands. Cheat on them with other women. Disrespect them to the core. Just treat them like crap after they get what they want from them. Use them and abuse them. I mean the list goes on.

 

Lesbians treat women so much better...Period.

Yes, we may treat our women just as some men but we love hard. We fall in love fast with one another. The relationship may not work, but our women don't leave the relationship bitter and broken. They just move on to another woman...Sad but true.

 

Lesbians move fast, fall out of love fast, fall in love fast...We all know this. Especially younger lesbians.

 

The older I get the more I look for consistency. I don't want to continue the cycle, I am ready to fall in love with the same person over and over again for a lifetime...However, there are some older lesbians that move fast just as much as younger lesbians, because they haven't  matured yet.

 

Trust me, I know some lesbians that are 35 and older still jumping from one person to another person...these are the ones to look out for..they aren't mentally mature and ready for a lifetime.

 

However, I must say lesbians love HARD...We treat our women better than most men. We don't want just sex, because in the first few months we are already saying "I love you."

 

When a woman has been broken, you have to take your time with her and get to know her. You have to show her that you are different from any man that she may have dealt with. You have to get to know her mind, body and soul...

 

But trust me, that mess is hard and you will get frustrated because she will push you away...She will treat you like she doesn't care but only because she is fearful of what could happen if she falls in love with you.

 

Some women become bitter and make comments such as I don't need love and etc...but you can get pass that if you just stay consistent...

 

I guess this blog post is only for lesbians interested in a straight woman...My next post will talk about our "Passion" for straight women...Not all lesbians but some of us love women in general rather they are straight, bi or lesbian.

 

Such as me....I love all women and I can't help who I fall for.



Who are you????

 
I remember back with my ex ex (an ex from years ago), we were at a friend's house for the New Year and someone asked me, "Who are you?" I answered and said my name and she said, "Yeah, but who are you?" I felt personally attacked and became defensive....
 
Years later, it all makes sense...lol
 
I have to figure who am I...sometimes I'm sure...and sometimes I'm not sure.
 
I feel that I am not the same person as I was last week, last month, last year and etc. I feel that I am evolving more and more each day...
 
But the core of me stays the same...
 

Sometimes, you have to stop and ask yourself, "Who am I?"

 
Now I noticed my personality more, I noticed my hobbies more, I noticed what I  look for in a partner more, I noticed what I look for in life and how I want to live my life.
 
I noticed what's more important to me...
 
I noticed who is more important to me...
 
I noticed that my love for God has become deeper...
 
I noticed that I can always count on God...
 
I noticed that I don't really have many true friends...
 
I noticed that some of my family members suck...
 
I noticed that my mom is proud of me...
 
I noticed that I am a little distant with certain people...
 
I noticed that I love and crave women...
 
I noticed that I am not complete...

 

I hope that you do the same thing as I and take some time out to think about who you really are...so when someone new comes into your life you can tell them but most importantly you will know who you are....

 
Love,
Ky

Spoil Yourself

 

 

Do you spoil yourself?

 

 

 

I have a habit...and it's called shopping, lol. I love shopping, online shopping, any type of shopping where you can buy something.

 

Sometimes when I get bored, I go on Ebay or Amazon and start looking for stuff to buy, lol...

 

 

 

Shopping is my addiction.

 

 

 

But it feels good to be able to spoil yourself!

 

Why wait on someone else to buy you something when you can buy it yourself?!?

 

 

I love spending money on me...

 

 

 

I'm not stuck on materal stuff and I don't praise material stuff

 

I really believe that when you work so hard you should buy you something when you get paid...

 

Don't just work to pay bills, life is too short...enjoy it and live it up...

 

Don't go spend your rent money or car payment, but take a little bit money and buy yourself an outfit or new phone case, hell anything that will make you smile...

 

WHY?

 

It's simple...because you deserve it!

Extremely Blessed

 

Have you ever been still and just allowed God to do his work?

 

I have been still for awhile and God showed up and turned out better than I expected it. Everything is falling into place. I feel like a new born.

 

I prayed for God to be the driver in my life because I know he has my back and knows what's best for me.

 

At first, I was a little hurt seeing my ex moved on to this person and that person but then I realized she was never meant for me. I had to take some time to heal. I had to focus my energy on just me. I had to fall back in love with me. Thank God, I have great friends and family that loves me and never left my side through the storm.

 

I thank God for everything because he used her moving on as a way to show me that I deserve better and he had it all planned out.

 

I didn't even realized how blessed I was until I was quiet.

 

I let go of everything and I'm no longer sad, hurt, or disappointed...

 

I learned a lot of things...but most importantly, I learned that I am extremely blessed....

 

I pray that God sends me the right person at the right time when it's time...

I pray that God continues to bless me financially...

I pray that God continues to bless my body (healthy within and outside)

I pray that God blesses me with so much more love for everyone...

I pray for my family, friends and great coworkers...

 

I love my life...but I had to fall back in love with myself...And God and time were my bestfriend.

 

So when you get down, take time to pray and allow God to be the driver of your life and things will start to fall back in place.

 

I love you and thanks for reading!

 

Learn to love more and more...Everyone needs it.